Shot that Albatross

•May 12, 2012 • 3 Comments

Dad used to read to us Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s seven-part poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner from an old blue pocket-size book wrapped tightly with transparent plastic. The way he read it used to give me the chills, especially when his voice dropped to a ghostly whisper at the part where the ghost ship appears.

The Mariner tells the Wedding-Guest of how his ship was caught in a storm and is driven off-course to Antarctica. An albatross appears and leads them out of the mist and fog, and the crew praises it. But, the Mariner shoots it.

With my crossbow
I shot the Albatross.

I’m like the Mariner. Shot my Albatross.

Ah! well-a-day! what evil looks
Had I from old and young!
Instead of the cross, the Albatross
About my neck was hung.

The Mariner and the crew encounter a ghostly vessel. On board is Death and Nightmare Life-in-Death who are playing a game of dice for the lives of the crew. Death wins the crew. Life-in-Death wins the Mariner, who she considers more valuable. One by one, the crew die. By the Mariner lived on; the crew’s final expressions etched on their faces and in his memory – life in death.

I looked to heaven, and tried to pray;
But or ever a prayer had gusht,
A wicked whisper came and made
My heart as dry as dust.

The selfsame moment I could pray;
And from my neck so free
The Albatross fell off, and sank
Like lead into the sea.

Catch that train. Catch that plane. Shot my Albatross. Missed my plane. Fear and tears are signs of weakness. Weakness spells death.

‘Do not go gentle into that good night! We’re living things. Fight. Rage.’ Something for me to keep in mind.

I’m Not Here

•May 4, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Radiohead’s How To Disappear Completely was playing on loop in the background. I should be writing on alternative dispute resolution.

That there, that’s not me
I go where I please

I reached for a pencil. Paper. The back of some old criminal law notes will do. Strange. I never draw on new paper.

I walk through walks
I float down the Liffey

Serenity. I flicked on my lamp and photographed it black and white. Tweaked the picture a little with the contrast. The words from the notes suddenly became clear as though they were imprinted on the faces. That’s like me. I shut my eyes and words, words and more words float around me, but it’s serene. Inexplicable. Is it the assurance that I can rest in God?

In a little while
I’ll be gone
The moment’s already passed
Yeah, it’s gone

Boat: Sink or Swim?

•March 23, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Some drawing I did while the Deskmate unloaded his burdens. We’re all stuck in the same boat, aren’t we? [cynical chuckle]

We’re all either clinging on to dear life or staring on at tranquility from reality.

I know I am looking forward to tranquility. I’m planning my summer break already. A solo travel to Singapore, and if all goes down well with the folks, it may be a month in the outskirts of Kuching teaching. Maybe. Hopefully. Oh and money.

In the meantime, drawing will be my escapism.

Progressive Resignation?

•March 11, 2012 • 1 Comment

I was so physically and mentally exhausted. Somebody told me, “Rest in God”.

I was contemplating joining a cell group at church. The preacher of the week said, “If you aren’t in a cell group, I encourage you to”.

I am facing temptations, a problem so big it worries me. The pastor preached on “lead us not into temptation” from the Lord’s Prayer, and using the illustration of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife, said, “When there’s temptation, run”.

I’ve always thought that I am a person of strong principle; steady, in fact, as the meaning of my name. But one can never claim that until a time of testing arrives. It came like a sudden sharp slap. I was wrong. At times like this, the ability to reason and justify may just turn against you to your detriment.

…..

If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been going on some hallucinogenic trip drawing insanely (or inanely, whichever you’d prefer) and writing incessantly about social whatnots instead of being the regular teenage blogger who writes about the shit in life and what they had for breakfast, really, I could give you a polished answer of the pen being mightier than the sword yada-yada. But hands up, I’m not discrediting social bloggers who give updates of their lives, because I do moan about the shit in my life albeit occasionally (see above).

I guess being brought up by teachers has opened my eyes to the flaws in the system. I’m guilty of no action, talk only of things that directly affect me. Maybe through the Youth Action Group (for another post), I’ve become more outward-looking and hopefully, be able to work things into action.

…..

First impressions are funny. I’ve been told I’ve been thought of as a full-fledged nerd. But yes, I’ve become the thing that I’ve teased my Form 6 deskmate of. (He got brilliant STPM results and is in Singapore now, and I, mediocre and stuck in Malaysia.) Oh well, not a bad thing I suppose.

Resigned to the fact that I’ll in KL for a good 3 years, I’ve decided to make the most it. Here’s a non-exhaustive list of things I plan to do in 3 years:
.Support the Malaysian arts scene by watching a play
.Watch an indie band
.Explore Central Market, be touristy and take lots of vibrant artsy photographs. And hopefully do some sketches.
.Go around KL on foot at night
.Go to Petaling Street
.Visit an art gallery
.Discover KL’s best kept secrets!
.Find a quiet place with plenty of trees and grass for escapism and frolic.
.FIND A PLACE TO DRUM.

I hope to do this while maintaining my nerd-like status to reach destination: London.

The Unseen, Faceless, Exploited & Misunderstood

•February 26, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Night had fallen. Alone, the sound of gravel under my feet is my companion. The open-air parking lot is almost empty. I glance around furtively and I see a group of men ahead. They are talking. But I can’t understand. I clutch my pepper spray hard and speed up my pace. I avoid all eye contact and hurry by. There, I’m fine. I breathe a sigh of relief.

There was a bad smell in the air. It smelt like death. Like the worst fish you’d ever smell. There were puddles of dark water around. I noticed a throng of men around a makeshift shop. They seemed to be busy purchasing things. I realised it was a grocery shop.

It wasn’t anything like a Tesco. Some things on the shelf, you’d never see usually. The fish were in a dirty rectangular basket on the wet ground. You’d never see these kind of fish in any supermarket. But, the men were clamouring for them.

These are your foreign workers – the unseen, the faceless, the condemned, the exploited.

I won’t go into the statistics of the foreign worker presence in Malaysia. Neither will I write of the government’s project to legalise the illegals. I won’t analyse this issue with scientific accuracy or provide formulas either.

I never really agree with opening the floodgates for foreigners to work in Malaysia. As you can see, it leads to a variety of problems. But it’s too late, and whether I agree or not, the damage is done.

The general perception of Malaysians towards foreign workers are that they are unskilled (very commonly, yes), uncouth, and inherently criminal. So we look at them collectively – as a source of labour with a tendency to become unruly. I will not deny that they do add to the criminal occurences in the country, but it would be unfair to attribute the spike in the crime rate to them.

That day in the parking lot, I began to see foreign workers through a humanistic lens. That fear of them still lingers, but that prejudice has somewhat lessened. Looking at them individually, not collectively brings several questions to mind.

What circumstances brought you here? Do you miss home? Do you have children? How big is your family? Are you the only bread-winner? Are your wages enough to support yourself and your family? How are you coping here?

When I think of the plausible answers, it gives them faces, individual identities. It stirs up this inexplicable compassion for them. Whenever I see makeshift beds of plywood boards in a construction site, my mind screams, “In your pursuit for profit, have you lost your sense of humanity?”

That night, seeing them eating cheap sub-par food, that just divided my “collective mentality”. Yes, sure, you’ll say “Well, they’ve got food. It’s better than the people starving in Africa.”

I don’t have a good retort for that. But aren’t we creating a “caste” system that we, Malaysians, claim to shun? It’s simply saying, “They are of Foreign Worker caste, they can eat sub-par food. We are of Nationals caste, we eat the good stuff.”

I can’t bear the exploitation either. “Uncle Lim’s Char Kuey Teow” is fried by no other than a foreign worker. She probably earns pittance.

We perceived that they are inefficient and can’t communicate well. I’ve met so many capable foreign workers. Some even surpass our locals. There was a waiter in the Ipoh Johnny’s who had the most cheerful disposition ever that he’d do dances as he worked. Another works in a food court preparing fried chicken rice. He was a perfectionist and a multi-tasker. There was a salesgirl who spoke better Mandarin than I and she’s not Chinese. A bunch of them in a hardware store could recommend tools and are so trusted by the shop-owner that he authorised them to give discounts.

I can only say that they have been misunderstood. I will not deny the negative implications of them being in our country. But in every lot of people, there are some bad nuts.

The next time you’re rude to a foreign worker, think of your home; they probably built it. When you look upon them with scorn, think of that bowl of noodles you had; they probably spent a day washing the bowls. When you applaud Malaysia’s development, think about how the buildings were constructed; they toiled and probably lived on-site.

This was a difficult piece to draw, not in terms of energy and time. As dramatic as it sounds, it was emotional. They were my priority in this piece. Their unclothed bodies depict every fibre of strength and their sweat in their daily toil. Those above are us. Looking dapper in suits, we avert our eyes from them.

We pride ourselves in being humanists. We criticise the government for the deportation of Hamza Kashgari, donate monthly to World Vision, visit homes of the infirm, promote civil rights; yes, noble causes; but we treat foreign workers as lesser mortals. Doesn’t that make us hypocrites?

Are You That Numb?!

•February 20, 2012 • Leave a Comment

After recovering from a bout of a peculiar ailment, I did a couple of drawings which I’m not too proud of. Probably the lack of inspiration. And time. I’m planning this elaborate blue china porcelain series and soon, Nyonya series (I’m a proud Nyonya! – An inside joke. Heh.). Reverting to my usual doodles-in-class, this is a take on how we used to read the newpapers.

This is how we read newspapers today.

One word. Desensitised. Or as the lawyer Leong put it – numbed.

I hope you’ll never be numbed. Don’t say it’s normal to have robberies occuring every other week. Don’t say it’s normal for politicians to turn corrupt. Don’t say it’s normal for trains to be delayed or bus drivers to be reckless. And don’t say there’s always the private institutions if merit doesn’t get you into public universities.

Numbness is the start of the paralysis of a proactive change-seeking society.

First Class Happiness

•February 17, 2012 • 1 Comment

Here’s Mom while we were in the waiting room before the award ceremony last year. It’s been a year exactly but it doesn’t feel so.

My drawing hardly does any justice to her youthfulness and beautiful self. And it doesn’t even look alike. But it was her happiness I was trying to capture.

Mom, I’ll try my best to bring back a First Class.

 
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