It’s less than a week till the anticipated release of my first year exam results. I don’t know what to make of it. During this time, we’re all waiting for a piece of news bearing that golden ticket to the UK. There hasn’t been a phone call, an e-mail, a letter. I’m beginning to understand the concept of redha. I’m submitting it to God, believing that He is in full control of it all. It’s difficult especially when your mind wants to revolt against the possibility of not being chosen, and revolt against God for not letting you be chosen. But, He has proven time and time again that He knows best.

I met disappointment when I failed to get a place to study drama and English literature/linguistics despite aceing my MUET, and when I was not given the course of choice in the public university. Three years in a local private money-guzzling law school with no campus proper instead. I’ve been mulling over the prospects of going to UK. And just today, it dawned upon me that taking this route has not limited me – the other routes would have – but opened the door to UK and possibly Oxbridge even wider. But that’s if I do well. God has led me this far. He’ll keep me, as long as I keep trusting Him.

Suddenly, things don’t seem to be a gridlock anymore. But it doesn’t make me feel less scared of knowing my results.

Here are several monochrome portraits done on pages of an old math grid book. I like the blue of the grids, and I thought I’d just put them to good use rather than taking up space on my crowded desk.


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